The Gentleman's guide to Washroom Etiquette

A comprehensive visual guide to must know rules whilst in the washroom.

The washroom can be a dangerous and confusing place; but with the aid of this guide, you will finally be able to make it through this ordeal without the loss of any man points, or without feeling awkward. After all, man points are essential.

A situation commonly encountered; simplified.

At all costs, avoid the urinal directly beside any occupants. Not following this simple rule will result in major loss of man points, and heterosexual points. There must be at least one urinal beside you and any other men. With one urinal between you and your fellow man, your man points merely remain intact. 

However, the more urinals there are, the effect is compounded. Rather than merely keeping all your man points and heterosexual points, you gain heterosexual points! So the more urinals there are, the more points you get.

As you can see, a five urinal distance yields a much larger reward than a one urinal distance. Just sayin'.

So as you can plainly see, always go for more urinals. The more, the better. Now, this brings us to another point: never make eye contact, or talk while at the urinals. It's just kind of weird.

These are several situations you may encounter.

Now, whilst most of these are awkward, you can prevent too large of a loss by simply ignoring them, or telling them that you're not comfortable. You can gain man points in these situations by punching them in the face. However, this also raises your douchebag meter. So, mix it up a little.

Now; these are the biggies. Not only are these not socially acceptable, but it'd just be plain rude.

For the love of god, urinals are not for taking a dump in. I'm serious.

It's sitting there. Just sitting there. MOCKING YOU.

I am fully serious at this point. I have had the displeasure of walking into a washroom about to relieve myself, when I see a big, fat, turd in the urinal. The urinal is for urine. I find it ridiculous how some people can't grasp the concept. Now, imagine if someone walked in while you were doing the deed.

So... what's up?

What the hell do you say? "Oh, I'm sorry."

So remember, this is essential.

urinal = urine.

urinal =/= dump.

And now finally, failure to follow this rule doesn't result in the loss of man points; rather, it's just rude, and an inconvenience for future occupants.

A detailed diagram I drew of exactly where to pee.

There's no reason why you have to crazy-piss all over the toilet. The next occupant will just be left going "What the hell?" and it'll stink afterwards. So. Yeah. Spread the word, and the washroom will become a more pleasant place for everyone!