The Watermelon Game

Time for a game review. The game will be scored on Man Points, Heterosexual Points, and Fun Points.

The Watermelon Game

Man Points : 10

Heterosexual Points : N/A

Fun Points : 10

Basically the watermelon game is the manliest, funnest game I have ever played (except maybe Predators and Prey). You have a tarp, water, soap, and a watermelon.

Go on, guess what happens. Go on, guess.

/jeopardy theme

I doubt you guessed right. What happens is you have a tarp, and you dump your liquid soap on it. Then you cover the damn thing with water so that the soap foams up and the tarps gets more slippery than 50 banana peels on a hockey rink (covered in bacon grease). Then you cover a watermelon in clear plastic tape, and dump it right in the middle. You divide your players into two teams, one on each side of tarp, and you number off the players. Then the central-authority figure-person-guy calls out a number, and the two players with that number go out onto the tarp and fight to the death for the watermelon. The winner is the one who manages to get the watermelon back to their team. It's like mud wrestling, but with soap and a WATERMELON. The thing is, everything is SO DAMN SLIPPERY that you can't grab onto the melon, the tarp, or even the other guy. You kind of just have to brawl for it. I got kicked in the face thrice, punched everywhere, and had a knee smash into my chin. The only goal is to get the watermelon to your side, and once you do, you get a point.

WHATEVER IT TAKES

IT'S MORE INTENSE THAN A DOUBLE RAINBOW. And EXTREMELY MANLY. Because you're fighting and kicking and screaming and generally being EXTREMELY MANLY. Even if you scratch and bite, the inherent manliness of the game will keep you at 10 Man Points.

It's also straight, even though you are in close quarters with other people of the same gender. Extremely close quarters. But since thee game is so manly, you can do relatively homo things while playing without it affecting your heterosexual points (for further information, see Man Points and You). So Heterosexual Points is N/A, as they generally won't change. They may go up though, if you fight hard enough.

Lastly, this game is a boatload of fun. Kicking, fighting, sliding around, watermelons, what's not to like? The only bad thing is at the end, all your clothes are stretched (just a little), you're wetter than a dolphin, and all the soap will kill your grass. BUT IT'S FUN.

Also, the game ends when the watermelon breaks, and the team with more points wins. AND YOU EAT THE WATERMELON. Why else would it be taped up?

The end.